PS 3511 
.U94 C4 
1919 
Copy 1 



I 



A CENTURY 
OF OBSERVATIONS 



(COPYRIGHT' 



By 
EMANUEL FURTH 



©C1A580726 
JAN 13 1920 



A Century of Observations 



By Emanuel Furth 



PREFACE 

It must not be supposed by the reader that the author has attained 
the age which the title suggests, aUhough he is quite willing, in the 
natural course of events, to become a centenarian. 

He has, in a fairly busy life, borne a very scanty resemblance to 
Caesar, but in nothing more striking than that he came, he saw and was 
conquered. Life for him has had its ups and downs ; its happiness and 
griefs, successes and disappointments; but the lure of it has ever been 

with him. 

Neither is it to be supposed that these observations state anything 
that is either infallible or original. To repeat, he came without effort 
of his own; he saw, and with some effort, he has endeavored to jot 
down, from time to time, the result of his observations— mayhap, for 
the kindly guidance of others who are still in the noonday of their 
journey. What are the subjects? Well, anything which he thought 
worthy of thought and record. 

Accustomed as the author is to giving professional advice, he is 
by no means insistent that the injunctions herein contained are to be 
followed. The reader has the option always afforded to the dissatis- 
fied client, to obtain a better lawyer. 

Times, conditions and circumstances must be taken into account, 
but under no variation should there, in the opinion of the author, be 
a lapse of kindly optimism. It will help to solve many a problem which 
seemed insurmountable. 

It is to be hoped that the reader will not regard any of the 
observations as dictated by an irreverent spirit. Sadly lacking as he 
is in highly developed religious traits, he has the greatest admiration 
for piety, with a preference for the unobtrusive sort. He has tried 
his hand at many things with varying success, but never before has 
he even attempted to sermonize, and does not do so now, as he is 
painfully aware of the fact that he dwells in a metaphorical crystal 

palace. 

Without more ado. he dedicates this effort to his beloved profes- 
sion, wherein he gained so many of the notions and experiencesi herein 

expressed. 

Emanuel Furth. 

Philadelphia, October 1, 1919. 



I. 

Many thousands of books have been written about books, but few- 
have been devoted to Book Agents, who in the years of our adolescence 
glibly aligned our literary tastes until experience dictated the necessity 
for disregarding their specious advice. Sooner or later we come to 
know that the contents of an easily handled, limp leather bound book 
are often more valuable to us than those of the costliest dc luxe edition. 
Time-worn shoes are no more friendly to comfort than our favorite 
author, especially to one who has the ability to make a real choice. 

II. 

It is a far cry from Cervantes to Ibanez. The former sounded the 
death knell of chivalrous knight-errantry ; the latter seems to be in a 
fair way to destroy the tawdry accessories which made for the deca- 
dence of Spain. She is to-day on the brink of rejuvenation if she in 
anywise follows the admonition of the brightest intellect she has pro- 
duced in the intervening centuries. 

III. 
The greatest of living historians is an Italian. In presenting to us 
a picture of Ancient Rome, Gibbon had the disadvantage of not being 
"to the manor born." Ferrero, in his brilliant version of those stirring 
days, breathed the balmy atmosphere of his Native Latium. One may 
hope that when the hectic D'Annunzio shall have declaimed his last 
word in the Fiume incident, his sane compatriot will record passing con- 
temporaneous events so that we may form a judgment as to whether 
"Italy Redeemed" is a mere phrase or a reality. 

IV. 

\\'ith rare exceptions, the Novelists depicting life in the A^ictorian 
Age now seem stilted and artificial — almost like the high hat and Prince 
Albert coat — dressy but scarcely practical in this day of harnessed 
motors prepared to reach the stars. 

V. 

A sense of humor in the human make-up plays the part attributed 
to a safety valve in mechanics, but when you can attend many perform- 
ances of "The Ham and Egg Tree" at timely intervals and laugh as 
o-leefully at the last presentation as when you first made its acquaint- 
ance, you have cast an "anchor to the windward" which will make you 
survive with cheerfulness the stress and storm which life inevitably 
keeps in store and awards to all of us. 

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A CENTURY OF OBSERVATIONS 



VI. 
Any device which will enable you to imprison a bit of sunshine in 
your heart will give you strength to weather the storms of adversity. 
The wit of man has been exercised for ages and in countless forms to 
produce faith which will create the silver lining for the passing cloud. 
Lucky is the man who has not outlived his childish faith in fairies, 
the kindly but effective enemies of hobgoblins. 

VII. 
Golf is a wonderful game; it involves recreation and exercise in 
equal proportions. It ought to be largely patronized by the legal pro- 
fession. It inculcates courtesy ; it is a perfect romance of alibii ; it 
affords a post-graduate course in the science of numbers ; it produces 
figures which cannot lie. Moreover, its vocabulary of expletives is 
inexhaustible. Mention ought to be made of the fact that it is a guar- 
anteed cure of the gambling or speculative habit ; and now that the 
nineteenth hole is abolished, it bids fair to take the lead in a prohibition 
referendum. 

VIII. 

Elijah still holds the record for aerial flights, with Elisha a close 
second — confirming the prognosis of King Solomon anent novelties. 

IX. 
To be characterized as a "silk stocking" in the days gone by was 
equivalent to taking rank among the "Four Hundred." Nowadays, to 
be without a silk stocking is an unheard-of monstrosity. What a dreary 
world this would be if the silk worm went on a strike for more mul- 
berry leaves and less hours of labor in perfecting its cocoon ! Meantime, 
more power to the "near silk" industries. 

X. 

Self-respect is but a form of egotism, but vanity is by no means 
the most deplorable of human characteristics. It will disappear only 
with the advent of the Millennium, and until then, it now and then 
serves a good purpose. In men, if accompanied by a bit of clever capa- 
liility, it is a saving grace ; in women, it serves as a barrier against 
unwarranted encroachments. 

XI. 

Gratitude is the highest form of human virtue. Since we are at 
all times so dependent upon each other, its universal prevalence would 
serve, as no other sentiment could, to cement the happy relations of 

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A CENTURY OF OBSERVATIONS 



mankind. On the other hand, ingratitude is the basest of vices. It 
promotes discord and discontent, and for the most part might be said 
to be a plant of feminine growth. Ever since Creation, woman and 
the serpent have been associated, so that proverbs of hoary age attest 
our thoughts in this respect. Gratitude seems to require virile soil for 
its hearty growth. It may be that when men and women are made 
entirely equal by force of law, the loss of femininity will be made up 
by the forceful gain of appreciation. 

XII. 

We tolerate eccentricity in genius for the benefit of mankind; we 
submit to the domination of the entirely capable for more or less 
selfish reasons ; we shrug our shoulders at the folly of the fool, but 
it requires a deal of moral courage to, subvert the claims of assured 
mediocrity. The success obtained by small-souled assurance makes it 
tempting and attractive; it oflen ensnares and holds in bondage ])U(lding 
intellect that might well, with perseverance and courage, escape so 
dismal a fate. 

XIII. 

Enlightened conversation would serve to largely eliminate health 
and weather discussions, but this would embarrass those who use these 
leads to obtain the benefit of a serious talk on style and the domestic 
servant problem. 

To satisfy curiosity is often the open sesame to one notoriously 
given to minding the business of others ; quiet, very quiet, argument 
is most efifective with the stubborn ; short, crisp sentences are required 
for those who are firm ; a sigh and a pressure of the hand move the 
sentimental; coolness saves the hasty and impulsive; courtesy (which 
costs nothing) is the concrete foundation upon which all may safely 
stand. 

XIV. 

Character and reputation are largely and erroneously regarded as 
synonymous. The former is known to the few ; the latter gauged by 
many. The best of us may be misunderstood, and the worst of us over- 
estimated. The meek and lowly have much to achieve in the public 
eye ; the frank and outspoken are often regarded as irritants ; the hasty 
as too impulsive, and the braggart is not always envied. After all, 
integrity of purpose, subject to human imperfections, generally produces 
the finest standard by which you may be estimated. 



A CENTURY OF OBSERVATIONS 



XV. 

Sarcasm is sometimes the only effective weapon to implant the 
truth. It may l)e, it often is, the pvirveyor of malice, and when addressed 
without regard to comprehension it is visihly emharrassing. Spoken 
with kindly intent, accompanied hy a merry twinkle of the eye and 
upward curve of the mouth, it is usually unfailing in promoting amity 
and understanding. 

XVI. 

The colored sage asserts that "Friendship don't mean no mo' to 
some folk dan a license to 1)orrow money," and it is greatly to he 
feared that sordid considerations form the hasis of many alleged friend- 
ships. \"olumes have heen written upon this theme, and still there is no 
adec|uate description of the real friend. Persons, circumstances and 
conditions are so varied that a general definiiion can scarcely fit all 
cases nor clear the path of duty. Love of humanity is the hroad founda- 
tion upon which all friends may stand ; sacrifice of sentiment, even of 
principle, may l)e justly demanded, so that heneficent happiness may 
he promoted. Every ]ntrely friendly act is like a stone cast in a stream ; 
a generous cast, producing ever-widening circles, carrying the deed far 
heyond its origin, thus tending to link the multitude in fraternal bonds. 

XVII. 

Courage is a wonderful thing, especially when balanced by mental, 
moral and physical qualities. Cowardice causes more sufifering to those 
thus afflicted than to those who are aiTected by its conseciuences. Little 
men are usually full of noisy, physical courage; big men, with real 
nerve, are rarely aggressive. To exhibit moral courage is the severest 
test of all. Brutal frankness is by no means an expression of vigorous 
mentality. Hypocrisy is the most blatant of vices and clearly indicates 
a lack of every form of courage. 

XVIII. 

The law of compensation in nature is applicable to humankind, 
though, as a rule, we fail to notice this all-pervading influence. Nature 
is ever busy to remedy its own defects, though nowise hurried, for time 
is not in its reckoning. Impatient man lives a decade in a day and 
looks for vast changes with each succeeding sunset. Energetic striving 
contentment brings a sure reward. The shifting scenes of life are mar- 
vels of alternate light and shade, the happy blend of which makes the 
struggle worth all it costs and enables you to create a surplus which no 
inheritance tax can deprive the donor from presenting, or the donee 
from receiving. 



A CENTURY OF OBSERVATIONS 



XIX. 

Xothing is so gratefully appreciated as the ethical action of the 
other jcUoiv; and in this respect, example is often thrown to the winds 
of shrewdness, there to he ruminated over among the other foibles of 
mankind. The culture of ethics — Heaven-born sentiment — still waits 
for successful propagation upon the disintegration of a thousand and 
one other cults of minor force. 

XX. 

Umbrellas ought seasonably to be classed with dogs, as ferae 
naturae, and thus eliminate the right of property in both. It would save 
the conmiission of many petty crimes, rarely, if ever, punished except 
by the twinges of an uneasy conscience. When you care to think about 
it, the umbrella is a manifestation of character in the person who owns 
or even borrows this seeming necessity. The prudent man is never 
without one, even during a period of long-continued drought. The 
careless are always seeking the shelter of a corner store, now converted 
into a .Salvation Army Rest ; the fastidious alTect marvels ; the slovenly 
exhibit spare ribs: the virile possess the ante-dekige kind, and the 
delicate make a show of silk and tassels. In the Orient it is an emblem 
of royalty. On the stage, the farmer-visitor to the city uses the rain 
protector as a handy weapon, and rescues threatened virtue. 

Supplications to St. Swithin to protect us from the melancholy 
effect of "dry days" in wet weather have thus far proved' abortive. 
Woe betide us when the High Cost of Living reaches the umbrella 
stage — after that, the deluge ! 

XXI. 

The pajama is fast bowling out the nightgown. We really ought 
to bolster up our statutes on import and immigration, so that the ideas 
of the Orient may not be further permitted to taint the notions of the 
Occident. 

XXII. 

If you will play the Stock Market, on paper, according to your 
notions for a given period of time, then make comparisons with that 
which really took place, it will surprise you to learn how much money 
and Avorriment you have been saved and how much more preferable is a 
quiet, entrenched sector. 

XXIII. 

In this ingenious mechanical age, it is ever more difficult to deter- 
mine cause from effect. Are we becoming more inventive because of 
the progressive training of our mental faculties, or rather out of an 

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A CENTURY OF OBSERVATIONS 



indisposition to labor physically, driving us — like James Watt — to lazily 
discover the virtue of steam power? It is cheering news to learn that 
inventive genius is rubbing its Aladdin Lamp in the eiTort to increase 
the number of genii who will relieve our overworked maids and matrons 
from their household cares and duties. 

XXIV. 

We hear much these days of "heavier than air machines" and those 
of us who do not fly are a bit puzzled — it seems so obvious that all 
machines must be heavier than air. Long ago we came to know about 
men and women "lighter than air," and it was always a matter of sur- 
prise what fantastic figures they cut, though without wings and unable 
to fly. 

XXV. 

To be sure, titles in this country are an anchronism, but Carlyle 
in "Sartor Resartus" has convinced us that without proper clothing 
there would be no titles, and hence neither kings, princes nor Grandes 
Dames. So in a democracy, how would you know a colonel from a 
judge? An Exalted Ruler from the Grand Head Forester — if it were 
not for titles? It is to avoid unnecessary confusion that we love handles 
to our names. 

XXVI. 

Keeping a diary is more or less sporadic. Those of us who have 
tried it appear to have outlived its usefulness. It is usually an unsatis- 
factory alibi, and frequently is an accusing witness; besides which, it 
might be awkward for either biographical or autographical use. Our 
lives are less interesting to others than we fain would believe. 

XXVII. 

In thinking of "the gentle art of letter-writing," we naturally 
exclude business and technical correspondence. Yellow-backed books of 
the "perfect letter-writer" type are like dream oracles — they never ring 
true except by accident. A good letter is not so much dependent upon 
orthography, grammar or logic as upon the ability to write clearly and 
frankly as you think. Above all. it ought to be a photographic repro- 
duction of your personal characteristics. It ought not to require your 
signature for identification. 

XXVIII. 

It is a blessed privilege — rarely exercised — to be able to see the 
other side. Those of us who think, form opinions and pronounce judg- 
ments ought to be able to look into the other fellow's back yard — not 

8 



A CENTURY OF OBSERVATIONS 



overlooking the mess in our own. Human experience is, on the aver- 
age, pretty much the same, but the effect of it is vastly different, making 
for good or ill. as we have a sense of proportion and comparison. 

XXIX. 

Catching trains, as the phrase goes, is expressive of a whole gamut 
of human psychology. To arrive too early, too late or just in the nick 
of time, that is the question; and, when you do get there in time, to 
have the ticket-window blocked by a person who ought to take a course 
of study in the Bureau of Information, is excusably exasperating. 
If trains had a propensity for leaving ahead of time, as they have in 
the matter of being late, many of us would lament the progress of 
science; others would insist upon having missionaries at local stations 
instead of the far-off corners of the world where there are no trains. 

Railroad schedules (when you can manage to get hold of one) 
remind you of the Integral Calculus tables which so infernally bothered 
your college days. It's all very well when you are going on a lark, but 
when you're bound on a sober business mission or paying a visit to 
disagreeable relatives, it is not fair to vex the soul and still be obliged 
to pav for the privilege. 

XXX. 

The ever-advancing progress in mechanical sciences will some day 
bring to perfection the "smoke catcher," and the nuisance which arises 
from production stands fair to be eliminated to the advantage of repro- 
duction. The art of gloom-making is, in these days, enjoying unwonted 
prosperity. It would require more than ordinary statesmanship to dissi- 
pate the pessimistic clouds which hang low over the world's area. It 
required a flood to right wicked conditions in Scriptural times. Shall 
civilization fail to restore the rainbow of optimism without a cataclysm? 
Rain has ever been followed by sunshine, but selfishness must be re- 
pressed in order to obtain that clear vision which enables one to see 
the iridescent coloring growing out of a happy combination of these 
natural elements in this beautiful world of ours, given to us to make 
for the betterment of even the lowliest among us. It would seem as 
if the world was "all right," but we cannot be so sure about the people 

in it. 

XXXI. 

The tendency of the Bourgeoisie class to dine in palatial public 
places, so that they may see and be seen, is unhealthy, both from a 
social and physical point of view. "Keep the home fires burning" is as 
essential in peace as in war. The kitchens of our grandmothers have 



A CENTURY OF OBSERVATIONS 



become the kitchenettes of to-day — now presided over by an autocrat 
who could give many points of preference to a Hohenzollern and beat 
him at the game. Ireland and our Suffragettes want "Home Rule," 
only in different fashion. It would appear as if freedom and independ- 
ence still required work and sacrifice. 

XXXII. 

Habits are like straightjackets, not easily doft'ed, though they 
require no Keeper. We frequently distinguish between good and bad 
habits, more often than not, without rhyme or reason. The citizen of 
the world, as the result of travel and experience, amiably adapts himself 
to the varying customs of those among whom he happens to be sojourn- 
ing. Simple habits might well accord with habits of the simple. The 
best of us gradually come to know that as habits encroach upon us they 
become a nuisance to others. W^earing them only for self-indulgence 
is a form of beneficence. 

XXXIII. 

"Strap Hangers" are, on the average, philosophic, long-suft'ering 
creatures. Barely do they have time to do more than cast a wistful eye 
at the auto whizzing by. To many it seems better than "back to the 
farm" with its lonesome loneliness which the Flivver has more than 
relieved. The rush hours of sunrise and sunset are things of the past. 
Restricted working hours, combined with "time and half time." have 
contrived to change th.e peak load. The Grand Army of Labor now 
rushes past "the whining schoolboy * * * creeping like a snail, 
unwillingly to school," where he must continue past the age of puberty; 
and if progression counts for anything and he is emancipated, he may 
loll a bit longer and still ])e in time for his work-a-day. 

"The darkest hour is just before the dawn," was crystallized long 
before "Daylight Saving" was made effective by law. Like the "Twi- 
light Zone," sunrise is a land one rarely visits. With curtailed hours 
of labor, we are not likely to be caught napping. 

XXXIV. 

To "dwell under your own vine and fig tree," was the ancient 
idea of the promotion of all the social virtues. In these days, when 
"Home, Sweet Home" evokes regretful memories, we are naturally 
remitted to hotels and other public dining places for our daily bread, 
eaten with thankfulness, and carry away mementoes and souvenirs ac- 
counting for the missing "linen and silver" which the avaricious propri- 

10 



A CENTURY OF O BS K R V AT I O N S 



etor insists upon the innocent and guilty, alike, paying for. Surely these 
are not the sins whicli the decalogue had in view. What's the use of 
any longer cultivating the vine? And iigs do not grow on thistles — 
neither is our land permitted to flow with milk and honey. 

xxxw 

Mascots, like soldiers' pets, ought to be tethered in the o])en — 
close proximity l)reeds a herd of infections: hut when you contem])iate 
the Jonahs who have beset you in your life, you are tempted to regret 
that the age of miracles has passed ; you may even deplore the decadence 
of the whaling industry on your fishing trips. 

XXXVI. 

The amount of injustice done by some men to their heirs is often 
]:»rovoking even to bystanders. !Many a dollar injudiciously s])ent might, 
with the slightest forethought, be readily saved for post-morten ])'ar- 
poses. In the organization of new societies to promote the moral uplift 
this thought has been religioush' neglected. 

XXXVII. 

It is far from beneficial to keep a frisky horse in the stable — 
so with Sunday Athletic Sports — whenever they are legalized they will 
be seemly. 

We are all apt to regard moral, social, religious and political re- 
formers as more or less pestiferous. Hence we shall all be happv and 
contented when this nagging race will have perished from the face of 
God's green earth, making the path of duty lie clear and unobstructed 
to our view. 

XXXVIII. 

Funerals are as often comic as they are tragic. Much depends upon 
the religious service or the absence of it; the attitude of the chief 
mourners and the number of those who really want to go to the place 
of interment for the sake of the departed, or wdiether the attendance 
is for the sake of a pleasant ride on a pleasant day, or, as sometimes 
happens, to take advantage of the opportunity to look after a lonely 
grave or a family mausoleum. Since it became fashionable to "Please 
omit flowers," the florist has been busier than ever, and now and then 
the truth regarding the deceased is fearlessly uttered. To so live as to 
leave a happy memory, grateful survivors of those who have known 
and loved the departed, is more than equivalent to the finest obsequies 
ever held. 

11 



A CENTURY OF OBSERVATIONS 



XXXIX. 

It is a thousand pities that one may not as readily change racial 
marks as we can our names. It is difficult to disguise alien ancestry. 
To be Black, Yellow or Semitic, etc., is to encounter the unearned 
increment of prejudice, the growth of more generations than is stated 
by the Mosaic Dispensation to be the Statute of Limitations for the 
descendants of those who do not love the Lord. 

XL. 

Hicrosolynia Est Perdifa (Jerusalem is destroyed) was the origin 
of the Hep ! Hep ! of the fierce mobs which sought for centuries to 
destroy the Sons of Jacob from the face of the earth. How vain were 
their efforts, how false was their rallying cry, is attested by the capture 
of the Holy City from the Turks by the English under Allenby. who 
proclaimed and enforced civil and religious liberty and preserved invio- 
late the sanctuaries and institutions of the motley array of inhabitants. 
The Mosque, the Church and the Synagogue fared alike ; the quarrels 
of the religious fanatics of every denomination were silenced ; law and 
order were established in this land of promise, restored as the heritage 
of all humanity. 

XLI. 

We exist in an era of drives. It began with William HohenzoUern 
in an advance upon Belgium. Heaven alone knows when it will end. 
The drivers are continuously recruited from the driven. The ig7i7s 
fatuus of Society aspiration is the lure which at times seems to dim the 
light of real charity. 

Federal and State governments with their multitudinous bureaus 
and regulations, inspections and reports are generously assisted by 
vacations, strikes and lock-outs. 

The world is busy swapping horses crossing the stream ; the constant 
crack of the whip forces us perilously near the surging current and 
diverts us from the safe landing. 

XLII. 

One can. imagine no more condign punishment than to be obliged 
to "take in" the alleged Comic Section of the newspapers. At times it 
seems as if the artist ( ?) as well as the publisher ought to be charged 
with a deliberate attempt to desecrate the Sabbath, not to speak of the 
di'^turbancc of mental balance occasioned on the lesser days. 

12 



A CENTURY OF OBSERVATIONS 



XLIII. 

Forensic eloquence is fast losing its charm. Stump-speaking as 
once we knew it is being relegated to the limbo of the past. All things 
make for the written and printed word, and even now the boasted 
power of the press is succumbing to the moving picture. Leading and 
misleading film artists and film poseurs are a bit popular and better 
known than Hearst, Northclifi'e or Munsey. 

Fight fans, Movie fans and Baseball fans are far more closely 
related than would appear to the casual observer. They have many 
traits in common, and many common traits. Dift'erences of opinion 
must necessarily arise amidst their respective gatherings, only to be 
eventually harmonized, though the methods differ. They all achieve 
a language of their own. failing to understand which instantly fixes 
your status as a rank outsider. One wonders Avhat the newspapers 
would do without them. As a class, they arc great specialty readers ; 
they know just where to find authentic news concerning their favorite 
diversion — all other topics are banished. Inability to attend ihe exhibi- 
tions to which they are attached is regarded as nothing short of a calam- 
it^^ Their lives are spaced a thousand miles, according to their notions, 
from mere humdrum existence. 

XLIV. 

The Muses emerged from Grecian mythology without a cootie. In 
these days the parasitical influence of the Manager, the Bookincr Agent 
and whatnot has a debasing eff'ect upon art. The artist and the pul)lic, 
alike, suft'er from the predatory mercenary instincts of the purveyors. 
Now and then, temperament is the avenging Nemesis, and we smile at 
the worry and discomfort it causes, even though we are obliged to 
share it. 

By the way, which Muse has the film appropriated for its patron 
saint? 

XLV. 

Doctrinal religion has evolved more superstition than all other 
human forces combined. Ordained ceremonials have bent the knee and 
beclouded the mind of man ever since Creation. No one can complain 
that wide choice of mode and form of worship is denied. For all that, 
fortune-telling flourishes to-day as it did in the days of Saul. Oracles 
and soothsayers are still plentiful ; spiritual leaders, just as divinely 
ordained as kings and emperors, are rampant and are ever seeking to 
establish the latest triumph of one superstition over another. 

13 



A CENTURY OF OBSE R V .ATIONS 



XLVI. 

The Organic Law of the United States provides that "no rehgious 
test shall ever he required as a qualification to any office or public 
trust." Likewise, that "Congress shall make no laws respecting an 
establishment of religion." These sentiments are more or less forcefully 
stated in the Constitutions of several States. Perhaps, in no other 
country have these ideas of Jefferson been so ingrained in the body- 
politic. It would seem as if it were intended that the Church should in 
no respect dominate or influence political action, It would also seem 
to indicate that if the Church were fully occupied with ministering 
to the spiritual needs of its disciples, there would be no temptation to 
meddle in civil affairs. The history of the past twenty centuries dem- 
onstrates that the Church has been a retarding force. 

The enlightening dawn of a new era came with the French Revo- 
lution and our Federal Constitution. Shall we look backward and thus 
gather new strength to go forward? Or shall we, by indirect legislation. 
erect signposts at the doors of our churches to remind the masses that 
there, and there alone, are life- and soul-saving: stations? It is greatly to be 
feared that under such impulsion, the ranks of the faithful will not be mate- 
rially strengthened. Faith must come from within, and even the most 
fastidious will have no chance to complain of paucity of choice. 

XLVII. 

The fellow who asks for a lower berth in a sleeping-car and, per- 
force of necessity, takes an upper, with the smiling remark, "There's 
more air up there anyhow." may not be in line to inherit the Kingdom 
of Heaven, but he will not have half the troul)le the camel had in trying 
to pass through the eye of a needle. 

"At night," says the old proverb, "all cows are black," and this was 
remarked long before Pullman Sleepers were invented. Have you ever 
had occasion to leave your berth, after the "lights were dim and low," 
and endeavored to return, with a vague idea that you must be in the 
vi^rong car, or perhaps that you cannot just recall your number, and 
•the porter has fallen from the train or is asleep? Well, it's the same 
kind of feeling you had when you bought a ticket in the Louisiana 
Lottery, in the good old Beauregard days— only the prospect of drawing 
the capital prize seemed far brighter in the latter than in the former 
contingency. 

14 



A CENTURY OF OBSERVATIONS 



XLYIII. 
"Ignorance of the law" excuses no one — but a judge, a lawyer or 
a member of the bar. 

XLIX. 

It is written that "In a multitude of counselors there is safety," 
and without attempting to question this hoary maxim, experience would 
seem to justify the added thought that a counselor in time might, in 
the aftermath, save nine. Free legal advice as presented in the column.s 
of newspapers and periodicals, even "Every Man His Own Lawyer," is 
usually worth less than the cost of these mediums, and frequently 
proves most costly. 

The high privilege of a Gentleman Learned in the Law is to 
endeavor to adjtist disputes and lend a willing ear to compromises. 
Courts of Jtistice ought to be the final resort of those whom fierce 
litigiousness alone will satisfy, or where it is necessary to have an 
attthoritative decree, required by the policy of the State or the estab- 
lishing of a necessary precedent. 

L. 

"Truth crushed to earth will rise again," and now and then and 
again, from the witness-stand. 

Hectoring a witness is by no means an entirely safe method to 
obtain favoral)le testimony. Due allowance is not always made for the 
superiority of intellect exhibited by the witness as compared with exam- 
ining Counsel. Direct truth, for obvious reasons, seldom emanates from 
the witness-stand ; comparisons and deductions usually establish facts. 
Courtesy to an adverse witness is a disarming process. A close student 
of human nature can usually master the mind of the most refractory, but 
on judgment Day. Othello's occupation will be gone, and lawyers wnll 
again attest the fact that they make the most unreliable witnesses. 

LI. 
The term "vested rights" has lost its one-time sacred significance. 
One short decade has destroyed the iM-ecedents of centuries. The speed 
traveled by notions of pul)lic right as compared with private ownership, 
would seem to lead us back to Scriptural days, with its Sabbatic Year. 
One must, of course, make allow^ance for the time it would take to move 
one's habitation and garage to those of his distant neighbor. Good roads 
and ever-speedier motor cars might tend to simplify the problem, and 
septennial tenure of office might tempt legislative enactment. 

15 



A CENTURY OF OBSERVATIONS 



LII. 

In the impending social revolution there will be no room for the 
legal profession. Like an echo from the past comes the merry quip 
of Jack Cade's Rebellion, "Let's kill all the lawyers." 

If you have a bright, ambitious son, do not seek to have him become 
a lawyer — rather equip him with a legal education, so that he may acquire 
the technique of the profession ; then may his brawny arm flourish an 
axe or other useful tool, taking pains to conceal the sheepskin diploma 
with a leathern apron, so that no longer shall "parchment, being scrib- 
bled o'er . . . undo a man" ; have him join the ranks of organized 
labor, and tell the Walking Delegate or Executive Head how to formu- 
late demands, and soon he will possess the inheritance which the Lord 
promises to the highly gifted. 

LIII. 
Law libraries are, for the most part, mausoleums of the wit of 
Bench and Bar. Tombs are rifled for the promotion of unholy causes. 
Sophistry and casuistry have played havoc with the rights of man. 
Nero is said to have played an accompaniment to the destruction of 
Rome. Some of us are whistling for another Justinian to frame a legal 
code in accord with the spirit of the age. Meantime, we are a bit care- 
less about the further preservation of hoary precedents and groaning 
book shelves. 

LIV. 

Why longer urge the elimination of obey in the marriage cere- 
mony? As long as it remains, it is a noble remnant of a virile past. 
If the proposed amendment prevails, why not, while tinkering, place 
the obligation where it now rightly belongs and force timid man to do 
that which is his fore-ordained doom. It will also be worth considering 
whether it is necessary to change names ; and if found so to be, why 
should the bride be charged with this ignominious badge of servitude? 
Marriages beyond our national frontiers will have significance unless 
it is desired that matrimony shall be a dry afifair from its initial stage. 

LV. 
Though we walk through the valley of widowers, yet we fear no 
evil, iot the sunshine of the widow — without which there can be no 
shadow — is ever with us. 

LVI. 
No one can truthfully deny but that giant strides have been made 
in the last quarter of a century in the relations of employer and employe, 

16 



A CENTURY OF OBSERVATIONS 



favoring the man and limiting the asserted powers of the master. The 
only question that remains is, whether progress has not been a bit too 
rapid, so that entire subversion of the social fabric may be at hand with- 
out a workable substitute in sight? It takes a lot of time to remedy the 
destructive force of an earthquake or a cyclone. The reconstruction 
period involves the creation of new social phases, inevitably based upon 
eternal principles of right and wrong, when industry will not be con- 
founded with agitation and energy leveled by the slothful. 

LVII. 

We have come to know that the many processes incident to the 
manufacture of ammunition and other implements of war is a degen- 
erating influence. The difference between the man who makes the hand- 
grenade and the soldier who carries it "Over the Top" in the face of the 
enemy, is no disadvantage to the latter, and turned out to be a distinct 
detriment to the former. This inequality is not only produced bv the 
respective rates of pay and hours of service, but also by the lack of 
harmony in sentiment evolved. 

LVITT. 

Until it receives a severe jolt, the value of a dollar will continue 
to decrease. The rising percentage of the cost of labor may be checked 
by the Income Tax when all those who are earning their living, as dis- 
tinguished from employers, will acquire the dignity of becoming tax- 
payers. If the masses achieve this result — and we are fast approaching 
it — taxation and representation will go hand in hand. 

LIX. 

The right, liabilities and duties of citizens, as well as many divisions 
of the Government, in the event of dispute, must be submitted to com- 
pulsory arbitrations by Courts of Jiistice. Disagreements between em- 
ploye and employer are referred to the tender mercies of Conciliation 
Commissions, in an atmosphere of strikes and lockouts, largely sustained 
by violence on the one hand and arbitrary action on the other. The 
nation which first enforces working conditions governed by decrees based 
upon impartial justice will be the saviour of mankind, and will be an 
admirable adjunct to the "League of Nations." thus eliminating armies, 
navies, walking delegates and predatory capital at one fell swoop. 

LX. 

Efficiency has come to be a recognized science, depending for its 
success upon the unfettered, justly rewarded worker. Mere statements 
of principles of economic saving and advancing progress will not suffice 

17 



A CENTURY OF OBSERVATIONS 



— there must be an inspired man behind the gun. enHsted for the sake 
of the Cause, in love with his work and assured of recognition. The 
Huns and Vandals of industry are vigilant enemies ; they must be smoked 
out of the trenches before the banner of increased and increasing pro- 
duction can be hung upon the outer walls of Labor's citadel. 

Even co-operative trading and profit sharing require a manager and 
accoiuitant. Very few animals can be taught to work automatically — 
the human being never. Cash registers require a cliangc department, 
and you do hear of comptometer girls. The Patent Office is filled with 
devices to escape the trammels of existence, but perpetual motion has 
thus far eluded our ingenuity. 

LXI. 

Vacation time grows in extent and apparent necessity as the work- 
day becomes less strenuous. In the "Good Old Summer Time" of the 
long ago, it varied from a day to a week ; now there isi no limit, either 
as to time or season. Progressive decrease in working hours and days 
will soon relieve Legislatures from decreeing legal holidays — every day 
will l)e a holiday. The popularity of the old song. "Everybody Works 
But Eather." will then 1)e Init a fleeting memory — perhaps then, even 
fathers will cease to be fashionable. 

LXIL 

"Preparedness" has lost its charm. "Profiteering" has usurped its 
place. It is assumed that Capital is responsible. If so. Labor is a handy 
accomplice. At least, there is some semblance of law to curb the 
monopolistic tendencies of the former ; there is express exemption for 
the latter. It brings forcibly into the limelight the lack of courage of 
our public officials, not the least of the evils which assail a democracy. 
The vicious circle is daily narrowing, awaiting the leader whose slogan 
will be "A plague upon both vour Houses." Equality before the law 
must be the inevitable result. 

LXIII. 

The theory which would place public utilities under Government 
control and ownership would be greatly helped — and God knows it 
needs help — if those who were charged with administrative duties, from 
the humblest clerk to the highest paid official, were imbued with altru- 
istic notions. After all. these workers are human beings, taken from 
the mass who are on the outside and pay the bills. The other fellow 

18 



A CENTURY OF OBSER\ ATIONS 



is on the inside and thinks he is an absohite necessity to the public, 
who are ever striving to get within the confines of the magic circle. 

LXIV. 

Henry George first located and defined the long existing "unearned 
increment." Prior to his discovery and ever since the Nation, the 
State, the City and all the inhabitants thereof, have pursued this will- 
o'-the-wisp with varying success. 

Caught, trained and put into your bank account, the unearned 
increment is most charming; to see another fellow corral it is disgust- 
ing. Penalized into the cofi^ers of the Community, we are enabled to 
scoff and jeer and tightly Initton up our own trousers' pockets. 

LXV. 
Many thousands of foreigners originally intending to permanently 
settle in this Country liave inaugurated an exodus to their native homes. 
A continuance of this tide of travel l)odes ill for economic conditions, 
already in woeful sha]:)e. The reasons given for this serious departure 
range from pr(>hil)ition to high-cosi-of-living. Here we face an addi- 
tional, altogether abnormal, problem. It is alleged that these foreigners 
will never become Americanized. So. it might have been thought of 
the party landing from the Mayflower and the millions who have since 
journeyed to these sliores, for the most part to seek the Ijenefits flowing 
from hfe in a voimg and vigorous Democracy. Now that we have 
grown a bit older, we have shed much of our l)oasted freedom and 
equality. A strong federal government, heightened by tlie aid of an 
odious intrenched linreaucracy ; an increasing multiplicity of laws and 
regulations perforce, induces the thought that autocracy on the other 
side of the Atlantic being exterminated, personal freedom is in the 
ascendancy, and living conditions there will compare most favorably 
with the small-necked tyrannv of the minority here. The fires which 
stirred the contents of the "Mehing Pot" and heretofore produced a 
l)oasted fusion now appear to be smoldering. We must see that new 
courage is injected into ''Old Boreas." 

LXVI. 
It would require more than a Presidential Message to Congress 
to reproduce a "Alarriage Feast at Canna" in this peace-ridden country 
of ours. 'AA'ar-time prohibition" to the accompaniment of "trading 
with the enemy" would fairly shake with laughter the fat sides of the 
most respectal)le of Roman Augers. 

19 



A CENTURY OF OBSERVATIONS 



LXVII. 

Pro-German propaganda and the Brewers' Fund have achieved 
mighty and unexpected resuks, but where did the sinews of war come 
from to combat the treason mongers who sought ostensibly to preserve 
our personal liberties ? We sit and slowly sip our cola-coca, lost in 
thought, bankrupt in mind, and untimately drain our cup of humiliation. 

LXVIII. 

The sunny Southland, with States' Rights banners flung to the lazy 
breeze, reluctantly dips its colors to the half-mast. Acceptance of the 
results of the Civil War. with a myriad of evasions, has driven it into 
the lap of Prohibition and Federal enforcement, which bids fair to 
rouse again the sentiments for which their statesmen plead and their 
best citizens fought and sutTered and died. 

LXIX. 

The unrest in the Balkans, the unruly attitude of the smaller 
nations whom we seek to accord autonomy, seems to beget slight sym- 
pathy in the American public. The races most intimately concerned 
are very foreign to us. and we have little patience with their views. 
It is asserted that a majority of our people favoring Prohibition seek 
to make world-wide application of their doctrines — why not make a 
beginning on the other side with those whom we know and care for 
the least? The only risk would be the betterment of conditions for 
alien races, and the de-alcoholization of their policies. It is n-ot likely 
that these countries will refuse to rise the passports of such "dry" 
missionaries we would be glad to send them. 

LXX. 

"Keep the taverns closed" will soon cease — perhaps has already 
ceased — to be the favorite slogan of those who have hitherto regarded 
it as the surest preventive of epidemics', race riots, car strikes, mine 
lockouts, auto accidents, cold, sober daylight hold-ups, and other like 
evils. 

LXXI. 

"Heatless," "Lightless." "Meatless" days deserve a bit of compen- 
sation, and we shall have many "Drinkless" days in which to think it 
all over. 

LXXII. 

It is an old-time query, "Where do the flies come from?" "Where 
do the pins go to?" So now, "drinking songs" will vanish from litera- 
ture. Another generation will know neither Pharoah nor Israel, and 

20 



A CENTURY OF OBSERVATIONS 



the curiously wrought goblets and flagons will adorn the curio cabinet. 
Flasks will be, w4ien found, presumptive evidence of guilt ; soothing 
syrup will be administered in cocktail glasses ; the glass with a stem 
will not longer be an iridescent inspiration ; the growler-can will be an 
emblem of peace ; the mug will be hunted from its lair and High-balls 
will be confined to the "World's Baseball Series." We confidently 
predict and impatiently await a "Dry Edition of Holy Scriptures." 

LXXHI. 

The Recording Angel must, for centuries, have had a busy time 
of it in noting the conduct of those who have constructed or are obliged 
to travel over "bad roads." Ruts, detours, the absence of sign posts 
are, alike, prolific of profanity. Wayside Inns with entertainment for 
the traveler were as welcome as an oasis in a desert, and the revival 
was attended with joy by all concerned. Just when they seemed 
re-established came the withering "dry" blast, which must inevitably 
result in eliminating even the inns where General Washington stopped 
to take a drink. Great care must now be exercised in crossing State 
lines, over the best of roads, with liquid refreshment in the exhilerator 
of your auto; but the net result has already been noted in less speed, 
absence of recklessness and avoidance of accident. It may well be 
that in the course of another century the Heavenly record shop, wherein 
are duly chronicled "Sins of the Road" — at least so far as it afifects 
this Country — may be closed. If Americans are happy, why should 
we concern ourselves about foreigners continuing on the road to destruc- 
tion? 

LXXIV. 

We all long for the day to come when income taxes will cease to 
bother our consciences and the "dry taxes" for State and municipal 
purposes are increased high enough — as surely they will be to 
dampen the ardor of the "Wets" and thus raze the moral standard 
of the "Drvs." 

LXXV. 

Who shall be privileged to assert that the lazy, the vicious and 
improvident men and women who are helped in their downward career 
by intemperance and other evil habits will be cured by Constitutional 
enactment ? 

Prior to enforced prohibition this class formed but a small per- 
centage of the entire community, and if the majority, particularly the 
saintly portion thereof, were to expend the same amount of money, 
zeal, enthusiasm and oratory they devote to restrictive legislation to 

21 



A CENTURY OF OBS l- R V AT 1 ONS 



the attempt to reclaim the fallen, the result would largely free them 
from the burden which they so zealously assume. 

LXXVI. 

When the ladies have control of the Government in the near 
future — as now seems reasonai)ly certain — national conventions will 
formulate planks on the "High Cost of Living," which will have a 
value far beyond anything mere man has as yet suggested. Varying 
styles of garments, with every shift of a shiftless wind, will be tabooed. 
Laces, frills and furbelows will be accorded exclusive use at official 
receptions, the num1)er of which will be mightily reduced. Furs will 
only be permitted in midwinter; domestic servants will be given half 
holidays only on the days when Primary and General elections are 
held, and on all other occasions men will be thoroughly drilled in house- 
hold duties, and footwear will be regulated as to size, color and design, 
by statute. Powder puiTs will be relegated to "first aid" kits and the 
prevailing nonsense about one woman being permitted to look better 
than another will be wholly exterminated. 

LXXVIl. 
Charity runs a losing race with patriotism in the numlier of sins 
which it conveniently covers. A state of war is its great opportunity, 
but it flourishes as well in time of peace, though not so obtrusively. 
Many a citizen has been unexpectedly elected to high office by specious 
appeals to the Flag, though at heart he is an unprincipled slacker. Our 
latest hope for betterment in this respect lies in the "fair sex." who 
will likely avail themselves of other political vestments. 

LXXVIIL 

The well-groomed man and the stylish woman would not last long 
together in a dovecot. Vanity still continues to be the thing which 
makes life worth living. Costume jealousy is rampant and increases 
in the inverse ratio as toggery grows more scanty. 

LXXIX. 

The poor downtrodden Farmer! "Far from the madding crowd,'" 
he lives free from the taint of guile which is ever infecting the urbanite. 

Tilling the soil, no longer required to save daylight, his thrifty 
Soul is engaged with problems of costly import to the rest of us. He 
claims and acquires exemption from legislation on economic subjects. 
Like Newton, he watches the apple as it falls, wraps it carefully in 
tissue paper, trundles it to market, with no special theory of gravita- 
tion — all other mortals stand by and watch him grow. 

22 



A CENTURY OF OBSERVATIONS 



LXXX. 

Federalization is on tiie way to giving the Domestic Relations' 
Court a prominence which its warmest advocates failed to predict. Soon 
it will be the last resort of the "States' Rights" patriot. 

LXXXI. 

It is curious to observe of the two great political parties' in this 
Country that they are opposed to the increase of Federal power as 
they happen to be in the opposition. The seeds of destruction, however, 
are planted in the usual rotation in office, illustrating the maxim — 
"Last year's luxuries are this year's necessities." 

LXXX II. 

In this democracy of ours there is no truer saying than that 
"Politics make strange bed fellows." This miscegenation more often 
than not produces fantastic misbegotten shapes, having little regard for 
the pul)lic weal. The prevalent thought seems to be that there is as 
little honesty to be hoped for in politicians as in plumbers or lawyers. 
It is the wise politician who does not adhere selfishly to party principles. 
He is an exception ; the balance always lurk in the ambuscade of pos- 
sible change. 

LXXXIII. 

The executives of metropolitan cities are accustomed to finding 
the office a political graveyard. Proxinfity to the voter does not "lend 
enchantment to the view." A grim determination to cleanse the Augean 
stable is never prolific of success. Extempore talk of policies is as 
futile as a gas attack with notice to the enemy. Creating with patronage 
a partisan, political backing is as dangerous as standing on the brink of 
Niagara and allowing its fascinating influence to overpower your nor- 
mal thought of "Safety First." In fact, the recipe for the making of 
a Mayor who will merge triumphant to higher place and greater regard, 
is still in the brewing — one might almost be tempted to say — in the 
Witch's cauldron, so mysterious and powerful must be the concoction. 

LXXXIV. 

Of all the evils inflicted upon the body politic, the demagogue is 
the most atrocious. Self-seeking for self-interest, he is filled with 
sordid ability to influence the masses to their detriment — always for 
destructive, never for constructive, purposes. In a way he is selling 
something which costs him nothing to produce, for the highest price 
which his glib tongue and false pretense can induce the community to 
pay. Martyrdom usually overtakes those who denounce him, and when 

23 



A CENTURY OF OBSERVATIONS 



truth finally prevails, he rarely receives the punishment which he so 
richly deserves. Occasionally he becomes a convert of his own views, 
and then he is doubly dangerous. 

LXXXV. 

In a representative government the initiative and referendum are 
a confession of weakness which by no means reaches the primary 
defect of real lack of choice. The same "boss" whom you allow to 
choose your Representative is more than likely to control the vote of 
the people on measures of statecraft. Political bravery is sadly lack- 
ing — political brigandage is obnoxiously prevalent. Subserviency is 
the strongest recommendation for political preferment. Organization, 
which costs money and effort, usually controlled by scheming minds, is 
the ])ane of the elector, who, occasionally struggles vainly against this 
seemingly brute force, only to be overcome by the helplessness of the 
situation. A patriotic boss is as rare as an oasis in a desert. 

A considerable percentage of those who declaim the loudest against 
the ills of government, fail to exercise the right of Suffrage. Every 
citizen ought to be compelled to vote unless prevented by unavoidable 
occurrence. It would lead to a more general scrutiny of the merits of 
candidates, and greatly lessen the opportunities of political organiza- 
tions in herding electors for indiscriminate balloting for men and meas- 
ures of which the mass is profoundly ignorant. 

LXXXVI. 

Civic courage is fast waning, largely due tO' the methods of metro- 
politan journals in their treatment of public matters having a political 
trend. The policy of the paper, largely subservient to the views of the 
owner, controls the circulation as well as the editorial departments, 
both of which are engaged in good-natured rivalry to expand the output. 

Abuse of public officials is so continuous as to have deadened the 
effect upon readers. Coloring news to coincide with policy finds 
pliant acceptance by reporters, with encouraging results in the inner 
sanctum. One may be allowed to wonder what would be the effect 
of an impartial appraisement of the acts of public officials — bestowing 
praise whenever deserved, criticizing in a just spirit when required, and 
treating fairly, unawed by public clamor, the acts of public utility cor- 
porations. Selling to-morrow's paper today is merely the proverbial 
straw. 

LXXXVII. 

The autocracy of the proletariat, now designated "Bolshevism," 
is by no means the novelty which its most recent baptism would seem 



24 



A CENTURY OF OBSERVATIONS 



to indicate. Tried by many races in various climes, it has always proved 
an ultimate failure, with a mass of wreckage in its wake and a return 
to sane equality as its sequel. Many and devious are the methods by 
which it has sought to achieve a lodgment in this country, but as yet 
without success. The number and power of our middle class is the 
bulwark upon which the radical, the desperate, the vicious and the 
theorist will hurl themselves in vain. In this contest organized lal^or, 
with extreme and unconscionable demands, may yet find its graveyard. 

LXXXVIIT. 

The Red Flag is the symbol of anarchy; the color of "grape juice." 
diplomacy is akin. Both are claimed to be public evils. The former, 
as yet. appeals to a limited number, while the latter has been so effective 
that it has visibly increased the followers of the former, with vanishing 
beneficial results. 

LXXXIX. 

Vox populi — vox Dei might prove true in a religious world filled 
with sanctified inhabitants. The Holy Scriptures attest the fact that 
the trials of the rtilers of a theocracy were many and vexatious, and 
ultimately led to destruction. In this materialistic age the masses 
seem to fear neither "God, man or the Devil." Up and down our 
fair land are howling dervishes seeking whom they may lead astray, 
with the promise of a libertine's license. The Scylla of Bolshevism 
facing the Charybdis of arrogant, brutal w^orkers, leaves a mighty nar- 
row way for the voice of God to penetrate the consciousness of His 
people. 

XC. 

There are so many "Cradles of Liberty" extant that one may 
express surprise that the nations are not. long ago, in possession of 
perfect freedom. In this comparatively new Country of ours, in addi- 
tion to Philadelphia, we have the claims of Boston and Mecklenburg 
to consider. After all. the little wicker basket containing the infant 
Moses, floating down the Nile, was a sort of harbinger. 

XCI. 
Prior to the "World War" it was esteemed by the thoughtful that, 
owing to the progress made in the methods of transportation. National 
boundaries and frontiers were fast being eliminated and we were on 
the high road to internationalism. The Treaty of Versailles, with its 
recognition of the rights of small nations, seems to have exceptionally 
stranded the Semite and the Celt. Once again these dissimilar races 

25 



A CENTURY OF OBSERVATIONS 



find themselves united by a common misery. Oh ! for the valorous 
Gideon's band or the victorious leadership of Brian Boru. 

XCIT. 

Breach of faith is still among the definitions accorded to treason, 
although it is not presently regarded legally as a crime against the State. 
If strikes by public officials and employes and the operators of neces- 
sary public utility corporations are permitted to continue and increase, 
as now seems likely, it must soon result in extending the legal signifi- 
cance of the term so that we may escape anarchy. The base of the 
pyramid, upon which rests social order and security, must not be per- 
mitted to be wrenched from its foundation by loading the apex until 
the entire structure totters to ultimate fall. 

XCIII. 

We have grown so accustomed to taking a survey of the world's 
doings at the breakfast table and to incessant confirmation on every 
conceivable topic in periodicals and mag"azines, that one may well ponder 
over the effect of a sudden stoppage of such publications. Life would 
indeed be dreary, and under such conditions likely to be panicky. Every 
idle rumor would be exaggerated, only to be met by ignorance of facts. 
One may well shudder to contemplate the possibilities. It would not 
be beyond the ken of radicals and anarchists to prevent the dissemina- 
tions of news and authentic information. Until the restoration of normal 
conditions it will be the duty of sturdy citizenship to cry out "Watch- 
man, what of the hour?" with a grim determination to guide and guard 
our institutions in order to preserve the latest hope of mankind. 

XCIV. 

The kind of assurance which "makes doul)ly sure" is as potential 
as insurance fathered by the State. Formerly it was the lightning-rod 
man who symbolized the thought ; now it is the publicity agent who 
makes and unmakes the "Who's Who," and when you tell him "What's 
What" satisfactorily, holds the ladder for you while you climb to 
fame and fortune. He is the envy of the Walking Delegate. 

If our self-appraisement of service became its real market value, 
it would doubtless be open to the objection of "too much water." Cor- 
porations are composed of people with sinister ideas of value. To pay 
for "good-will" seems to the purchaser a species of imposition, but of 
course much depends upon the interested point of view. In the coming 

26 



A CENTURY OF OBSERVATIONS 



socialized Utopia, there will be neither barter nor sale ; distribution 
will wait upon exchange, and the ancient admonition to "seize life ener- 
getically," will have lost its charm. 

XCV. 
Arrogant dogmatism is never attractive except to single-track 
minds. In its presence one is tempted to agree with that iconoclast. 
Samuel Butler, when he declares that "Hard and Fast lines ever cut 
the fingers of those who draw them." 

XCVI. 

The stories told of Samson and Absalom well illustrate the truth 
of the old saw "What is one man's meat is another man's poison." 
The fate which ultimately befell these Scriptural characters should be 
a solemn warning to all long-haired agitators. 

Crusades have ever been failures, although the historic influence 
of those first attempted has been by no means contemptible. Under 
its borrowed plumage, vast as well as petty schemes have been launched. 
If success had attended a tithe of them, angels would no longer have 
been confined to the sterner sex. The world would be one vast camp 
of crowns, harps and spotless robes, the then ordinary vestments of 
all mankind. Revivalists have come and gone, leaving faint traces upon 
the sands of time. 

XCVII. 

The phrase. "Tell your troubles to the policeman" has more virtue 
in it than would appear at first glance. Not that anyone cares ofifhand 
to trouble a policeman. Keeping your thoughts to yourself is not 
always wise ; having an intimate friend or confidant serves many a 
timely purpose. 

Bufifers and shock absorbers add to duration, mileage and comfort. 
We are far more wonderfully built than the most delicate machine. 
Friendly counsel depends largely upon frank revelation; it must have 
been the milk upon which Methuselah fed. 

XCVIII. 
Respect for age is a vanishing quantity, and with it the external 
marks of advancing years are disappearing. Dress, modification of 
habits and cleaner living, have all contributed to the change, and yet 
there is probably nothing more agreeable to those who are nearing 
life's ultimate goal than the little attentions of youth, which indicate 
that usefulness has not been outlived. 

27 



A CENTURY OF OBSERVATIONS 



XCIX. 

Oh, thou youth, ever fair and insidious to those who dwell in 
the twihght zone of allotted age ! We summon thee to the har of 
reason ; we arraign, indict and acquit thee, with vmfailing regularity ; 
thy faults and follies forgotten and forgiven. It w-arms the cockles of 
our heart to restore thee to supreme place in our innermost thoughts. 

C. 

When the pearly gates swing ajar at sound of the last trump, the 
motley procession entering will comprise every race and color. Aye! 
even the adherents of all creeds — the lowly sparrow will chirp and hop 
along; Radicals and Conservatives will jostle with each other for place, 
carrying emblazoned banners with neither epigram nor aphorism con- 
cerning rights or wrongs, but all inscribed with the motto "Hail to our 
restored heritage of Fraternity." 



28 



l_j.Dl\Mni wr \*uii«rv 




